ARE U HAPPE NOW ALVIN ? TT U HURT A GALS FEELINGS NOW , HAPPY NOW ?!?!? U HAVE DONE IT U STUPID ALVIN!!!



I had enough, i really wanna escape, i wanna run, i wanna be the coward. i have alr reach the ground of my luck and wats more , my luck is digging into underground.

I cant think properly now ... i jus cant, i scare tt WATEVER SINGLE things i do now will hurt somebody cuz i CANT think properly now, i thought i am thinking properly and carefully bt in the end everthing jus screwed up .... watever i do , i screwed up hard .....

2008, Its my ITE Nitec last year , after tt intend to go poly with my gd results bt i screwed it ...... i drop to 3.533 overall (tis term i gt 2.735) which i NEVER EVER cross my mind b4 to gt tis low cuz i did WATEVER i can to help maintain it i even think to worst is only 3.8 bt end up 3.533 ..........

The gal tt i really love alot alot and had been tgt for 3 yrs 11 mths . the love bridge collapse in the end . her parent don allow her to have bf which really had alot of restriction. i cant go out with her openly , cant go her hse if her parent is at home , cant meet her up , cant have dinner with her parent as her bf status, can go out at night for movies or etc with her alone unless her parent don know (which the same as can go out openly)... it sucks .... it really does ...........................................................................................................................................

soccer bet all lose , big amount , small amount ALL JUS LOST no matter how i study , how i analyst the team , in the end i no money til i even borrow money from my brothers for my phone bills etc , family problems on money issues. since than i DID NOT BET AT ALL EVEN TIL NOW bt WHY i still cant gather the money to return my bros ! everytime i gt my pay , phone bill , ezlink card , some family house electric bills, etc etc , no money to return them again and again and again which i really SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING NO MONEY AND STILL OWE MY BROS MONEY!!!!

Due to no money , i kept myself close to outside world , i don't go out , don't shop , don't dare to go out with my brothers cuz i have gt PENNILESS in my wallet nor my bank . (i don mind telling yr , RITE NOW my bank left with $5). Everyday stay at home use computer , computer computer, the moment i think abt going out i no mood , cuz no money. i wanna say sry again ESPECIALLY to my Ex , i really let her down alot alot alot , everytime she ask me to go out , i will reject her cuz i gt no money , i really don't have the mood and money to go out , to be honest there are times i cry silently at home quite afew times , why ? cuz i let alot of ppl suffer due to my foolishness . i really stop betting for very long bt y i jus can't save money ?? i am really tired ............. the feelings sucks .....

wanna buy bicycle , no money. wanna take driving theory lessons , no money. wanna go out ,no money (year of 2008 i have buy none to myself things). i ... am .... really .... tired ...... i really do ................

i started to feel numb on all the bad things tt i cant think properly . now wats more , i have hurt a persons feelings once again , somemore its a gal tt i hurt ......... (i am such a bastard myself) FUCK!!! i should not give her false hope and even went down to bedok which causes chaos to her and causes worse than hell to myself .......

Family had alot of troubles through , money issues , money issues and money issues , fuck it .... i got no money to help my family , tts feelings sucks .... it hurts .......

HOLY FUCK ! my birthday , 20Aug , i don't wish to think abt it again , bad .... real bad things coming more ....... it wount jus end here .... i going to be insane soon .... i am tired , of everything , of everysingle thing i have done , every single fucking wrong things i have done , every single things i hurt my frens and family every single things to do to dissappoint my ex , every single moment of NO MONEY . I am like jus a sitting duck , no money to go out , cant do a single shit , dunno wat am i doing also , i really going insane soon ........ really .....

overall summary ------> I HATE MYSELF ............... bye ............. i am really tired tt i really scare of every things alr , watever i done jus nth will nicely end it . can i die to jus fucking end everyting ?

~FuckOut~
~PennilessOut~
~HurtOut~
~Sick and Tired Out~